Women are fearful of losing their children and/or being murdered.
The initial period of separation is the most dangerous for women.
Women lack trust in the legal system and the police response to protect them.
Restraining orders give a false sense of security and Police fail to uphold court orders.
Transition houses are often full.
The financial realities of separating include the consideration of: Lawyers’ fees, housing deposits, finding housing that takes children, daycare costs/finding daycare, inadequate child maintenance award which may be taxable and unreliable, seeking social assistance, locating employment or retraining.
Exhaustion follows abuse whether physical or psychological and leaves little energy. The fight or flight response is constant.
Women’s self-esteem is damaged by the verbal and physical abuse and the shame of being abused by the person who is supposed to love them.
Women feel responsible for their abuse: according to their abuser, according to society “you chose him for better or for worse”, and women are made to feel their communication skills or their conflict management skills are lacking.
Isolation from family and friends so women can’t check their own perceptions. The shame of having been abused makes it hard to tell even the closest friend.
In order to survive, women may use repression, denial, and other defense mechanisms to help them survive. i.e. “it must be the drugs or the alcohol that is making him do this”.
Society still gives the message that a woman without a male partner may have something wrong with her.
Even though the women may seek separation from her abusing partner, contact often continues because of children. Women may feel they can never really be free of the abuser because of the children. Legal, financial, and emotional abuse can continue, usually putting the children in the middle as pawns to execute the abuser’s continued power and control. Times such as transfer of children for weekend access, parent-teacher interviews, school plays, sporting activities all become very tense because of the potential for verbal or physical abuse toward the mothers.
The coordinator of this program was helpful, empathetic, understanding and thoughtful. She returned my calls and helped me to accept the transition I was going through with my life. Letting the person who assaulted you have your precious new baby alone is the hardest thing I have ever done. Ann Davis and the staff I worked with helped me through my trauma and allowed me find some peace while my son was able to begin building a healthy relationship with his father in a safe environment.
Testimonial for the Supervised Visits Program
Testimonials are always anonymous.
I enjoyed getting to know more about learning employment skills and I also learned how to make my resume look more efficient.
Testimonial for the STAR Program
Testimonials are always anonymous.
The relationships I made with everyone attending helped me relate and feel understood as a person.
Testimonial for the CODA Program
Testimonials are always anonymous.
I was able to accept my addiction to anger and was given the necessary skills to deal with my crisis. Thank you so much!
Testimonial for the Anger Management for Men Program
Testimonials are always anonymous.
Abuse is not acceptable. Abuse is not productive. Abuse is not about love, it’s about power. When I let myself be abused it was giving over control of my life to someone else. I allowed him to set the boundaries or rather destroy them until my life was a total shamble emotionally.
Now the boundaries set are mine. The zero tolerance rule is what guides me every day. We are still together but the playing field has been evened and life is much more peaceful and productive.
So, thanks again, to the counsellors. I don’t know where I would be today without you. And thank you Ann Davis Transition Society, for saving my life. I am forever grateful.
Testimonial for Stopping the Violence Counselling
Testimonials are always anonymous.
Our attorneys recommended the Ann Davis Transitional Society, feeling as I had zero choice if I wanted to see our children again, I finally consented. Much to my complete shock, I was encouraged by our supervisor that their main goal was to see our family reunited in an environment that was safe and non-threatening for our children. Although they knew of my past, they were focused on our future. I have received so much constructive parental advice through our supervisor, and our children are slowly healing and beginning to desire a deeper relationship with their father. We have a long way to go, our children are still hurting and I still am in need of further counseling and education. I now realize that my wife did not insist upon the supervision to harm me, instead it was to protect our children. I am humbled by the love and encouragement that my family and I have received from the leadership and staff of the society.
Testimonial for the Supervised Visits Program
Testimonials by Male participant .
